#that's just over in like 10 mins pffft

[dangerliesbeforeyou]

ok so i'm watching the final film in the hobbit trilogy for the first time and oooh boy... i'm only 40 mins in and it's already a Trip lol

[philza-updates]

Phil was in early gang earlier today and added a new bot, Fossabot, to moderate chat! He had early gang help him out with testing the bot!

[Image ID: 

13 cropped screenshots of several twitch chat messages by Philza. They read:

who wants to be a lab rat 

boop 

ok someone say something dumb that people say in chat when my friends are streaming KEKW

Imao 

well it's ignoring a lot of keywords thats not good lemme take a look 

ok quick test 

someone type this next phrase 

is live 

hm 

boop 

ah I fixed it i think 2 secs 

ok here we go 

im gonna set it to only time you out for 1 second if it works 

dont type the same message twice 

ok go 

so some ve messages are silipping through, will fix that 

fixed 

maybe tioming out people for simply saying "raid" is too harsh KEKW

I added the "v c" varient 

the idea is people should get the message 

and be timed out for 10 minutes 

so cant spam new alternatives 

theres also a 1 man spam fiolter which i hope shouldnt nuke people in the intro spam KEKW

but we’ll see 

k ive added some more phrases 

1 more test should do it 

we can add more after streams if we find new stuff 

ok go 

say stuff that people spam in chat when my friends are live etc. KEKW

1 second timeouts 

pfft 

oh thats a good one 

sick of beggers asking for subs 

cant be too specific with people just saying "gifted" Imfao 

version 1 of fossabot yeeting idiots is a go I think 

adfded "notice me" KEKW

ok added "shoutout" too 

shoutout might be too much Imao 

removed 

I can have fossabot send a message to the chatter about what they said but dunno if thats too mean 

and too spammy 

nobody reas whispers 

reads*

haha banned the blue and green hearts 

cos lets be honest, who tf uses those if not being a weirdchamp 

@/CRUNCHYGIO pepeW 

pffft 

removed "call" since it could be too powerful 

fossabot is now going live, it will time you out for 10 minutes if you say those phrases we filled it with 

back to watching GDQ 

peepoSmile

https://www.twitch.tv/gamesdonequick 

top left KEKW 

wtf got you guys timed out now KEKW

why KEKW

i switched it to 1 sec to test

its the v an c 

Imfao 

ok fixed 

that was too powerfull 

lol now its timing you out for saying the same thing over and over haha 

it looks at your last 3 messages minumum in the last 3 minutes and if they're 75% similar then BAP 

yeh the 1 man spam thing might be too powerful too, I can see it yeeting intro spam 

kinda like when I enabled it on streamlabs ages ago 

everyone got bapped 

fuck it do a test for intro spam 

Imao 

maybe i just turn it off i guess 

tuming bot back on for the keywords to 10 min timeout 

seems fine for now we’ll see in stream KEKW

that sonic run on GDQ was a world record this is so cool 

wearing a sonic suit too KEKW

boop only works for me, I was testing if fossa was in chat 5:18:46 pm Philza: test 

fuckin fuck 

wanted a button on my streamdeck for r9k 

just for potential bot raids, instead of sub mode 

Follow me on twitter https://twitter.com/Ph1LZA KEKW

Follow me on twitter https:/twitter.com/Ph1LzA KEKW

Follow me on twitter https://twitter.com/Ph1LzA KEKW

Follow me on twitter https://twitter.com/Ph1LzA KEKW 

bahahahahhaa 

stream deck you are too fun 

Follow me on my socials! https://twitter.com/Ph1LzA - https://www.tiktok.com/@ph1izatiktok- https://www.instagram.com/ph1lza 

Follow me on my socials! https://twitter.com/Ph1LzA - https://www.tiktok.com/@ph1lzatiktok- https://www.instagram.com/ph1lza 

Follow me on my socials! https://twitter.com/Ph1LzA - https://www.tiktok.com/@ph1lzatiktok- https://www.instagram.com/ph1lza 

dude ian i added so amny keywords that will time people out KEKW

IT ARRIVED BatChest

my nintendo switch 

OMG BatChest

NO WAY BatChest 

Imao

 End ID]  

[savnofilter]

Another Year Together

Todoroki x 『GN』Reader

↬ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ(s): intoxication, mentions of partying too hard, injuries and cleaning said injuries, crack (?), fluff.

↬ᴡᴄ: 2.5k [10 mins].

↬ᴀ/ɴ: ahhhh i was bummed that i dont have any sfw shouto reqs *cough cough* send some- *cough cough* anyways so i made up a scenario of my own! i have more fluff ideas i'd love to put out but this may be the birthday fic or i'll post something else tonight if i can~ every time there needs to be a party, just know either mina or kaminari threw it. also its a little rushed because i wanted to get this out tonight and this is the longest sfw piece ive ever written. ;; pffft hopefully you all will love this as much as i loved writing it, happy birthday shouto!

"Stay still." Shouto muttered to you as you squirmed away from the harsh sting the disinfectant alcohol caused your bruised skin.

"Mmmnhmm... M' sorry." You utter haltingly, your leg jerking once more from the sudden sensation. You look up at him with puppy eyes, guilt-stricken as you have already broken your promise.

He stared at you for a few seconds before his gaze softened as you stuck out your bottom lip with a sorrowful look on your face. As he smooths the cloth over your exposed thighs, he softly sighs under his breath, expertly concealing the roll of his eyes. Todoroki was relieved that your reflexes were still in shape, the abuse of the liquor not interfering much with your cognition... at least not too much. 

You two shared the same birthday. He had no idea that celebrating your big day of turning 21 would've been so hectic. As many things between you and Todorooki, you guys took today as a competition. The day started with you both trying to one-up each other since Todoroki’s lucky day was yours as well. First, your day with a breakfast made by him -- with the assistance of Bakugo of course. You couldn’t help the warm swell in your heart at how much effort he had put into it but it wouldn’t top you! While you two interned at the same agency it was pretty easy to surprise him with a big B-Day lunch and an obnoxious bouquet.

“This is a little too much…” 

“There is no such thing as too much for you, Sho.”

Truthfully, he felt that way because he wanted to wow you as well. He was glad that today was a calm day concerning his patrol watch, giving him time to map up his day today and think about all the other miscellaneous thoughts that roamed his head. The painting he had saved for this momentous day sat in the back of his head as he patrolled the streets, the small accessory along with it sitting next to the rest of his pee-pee pouches making him grow nervous. I had kept the small item with him in fear of losing it, the last thing he needed was it to go missing under his watch.

You on the other handheld no qualms about goofing off for the day. Now, you weren’t entirely wasting away the day, you just simply knew how to let loose. With the great news you’d be staying in the office you had more than enough time to help plan and finalize Todoroki’s surprise birthday party. You bit your lip as you checked in with your longtime friend, Kaminari, to host the momentous occasion. Your mind was mostly occupied with the thought of the party and the small but significant present that you had in your desk draw. You and Todoroki had the same mind, the only thing setting you apart is you somehow being more… airhead than him. 

Impossible, right? Not at all. That’s how it explains why he was busy cleaning up your injuries.

After being sent home early you had taken him out to lunch for some soba and well, boba as a great lunch treat — simple enough. You both were full upon going back home, giving you two a few hours to snuggle up and nap to rejoice with the sleep you two had lost from over the time having part-time heroes. Holding back the excited news of the party was hard to do, the first thing you did when you woke up was jump up and usher him to get up as well.

“What -- why??” Shouto glared as he was forced to sit up, rubbing his eyes with the free hand that you didn’t use to pull him up.

“C’mooonn! I just have one more thing to show you for today!” You beam brightly. Your facial expression was as bright as ever like you hadn’t just slept for 4 hours before that. Everything in his body wanted to resist but he couldn’t as he wouldn’t bring himself to. It took but only an hour for the both of you to get ready, sending Kaminari a quick text to make sure that everything was set for sure. 

“Honey, I know this might sound a little odd but I need you to put this on.” You hand him the blindfold once you find him dressed and ready. You couldn’t help but grin at his confused face when he stares at the piece of fabric.

“I thought you said we were going out?” He asks mildly confused, taking it and putting it on anyway.

You paused and gave yourself a moment to think about his response, your cheeks feeling hot at the insinuation. Todoroki’s small giggle makes you feel better about your flustered words, rolling your eyes annoyed when he teased you like that. “Just hold onto my hand okay?” You instruct, hand coming up to hold him as an example. He nods his head as he follows your lead, more excited than what he led on.

The trip from your apartment down to your car didn’t take too long, the assistance of helping him not trip over his shoes harder than you thought. It was hard to keep back your laugh as he fumbled here and there, the most highlight of your experience was helping him in his care (like he usually did with you) and even buckling in his seat (not something he did for you). You were practically buzzing in your seat in excitement as you took off as soon as you were ready, the journey to his place not too far from your own. You bobbed your head to the music of the radio as you vibed along with the beats, fingers tapping the steering wheel as you mumbled the lyrics to whatever song played. Had it not been winter time in Japan you would’ve had the windows down, but you had to settle with the subtle and gentle breeze of the heaters on your skin instead.

“We’re here.” You announced your arrival. You used the keycard Kaminari had given you as the entrance to his apartment complex and zoomed-in irresponsibly. It was easy finding a parking space on the higher levels conveniently the same as his home. You hopped out and helped Todoroki out from his seat and helped him to the elevator. “Promise me to have fun, okay?” The question was simple enough, but your level of fun always exceeded his. 

The sentence made him turn in your direction with confusion heavy on the top of his head. You took out the key from your pocket and jiggled it into the lock. As soon as he was about to open his mouth you yoinked the blindfold off his eyes, the first thing his eyes seeing your cheerful grin and everyone popping up from their hiding places and throwing the decorations up that they held in their hands.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” 

Todoroki was taken back from the whole thing. How many people were there, the familiar faces, the decorations, and just overall effort that was put into this. He couldn’t help but look over at you with the same adoration he normally did when you looked the other way. He was greeted by so many of his friends and mutuals, the overwhelming amount of gifts that sat on the table, and the arrangement of food and drinks that sat up in the spacious room. In the back of his head, he knew he would have to keep an eye on you, and he was right.

The group had gathered to get some cake to get it out the way, the bonus of ice cream filling your tummy with happiness. As soon as you had finished your dessert plate, you declared everyone should loosen up; since no one objected, you went straight for shots. First, it was one, two, then it was two at once, then it was some straight from Mina’s belly button. You held no restraint at your alcohol intake, taking the immature opportunity to drink to your heart’s content. While you were liberal with your amount, Todoroki decided to take in practically none. The verses of your habits are almost amusing to watch like your two contrasting but similar personalities.

Later in the night when the mayhem had started. You and a few friends decided to dance on a few more dangerous surfaces, guaranteeing the sacrifice of one of them being Kaminari’s glass table. 

“Holy shit—” Mina quickly rushed to your side, the same drunken posture and smile on her face as she tried to help you up, careful not to get the same glass shards that scattered the floor. “Are you okay-?!”

“YO Y/N WILDING!” Denki tries helping you up too, the help of the duo helping you somewhat.

You stumbled to get up, the flashlight of other people’s phones making you weary. “I-I’m fine-” You managed to let out, standing as you tried to clear your head and drink the water handed towards you. Either the H2O in that cup gave you courage or you simply went crazy. “let’s go again!” 

Todoroki was left speechless upon watching you continue to party on, knowing damn well he'd have to stop you soon. He wasn’t one to attend parties, and most times when he did they always ended up like this. It seemed after your fall that the knock had given you a sign to calm down at least, deciding to drink more beverages that didn’t hold liquor in it. After some time he had managed to get you in his lap, holding you as he monitored your well-being. 

As much as your reckless behavior would have annoyed someone else, he found it almost endearing. Well… not really in the sense you were drinking yourself silly, but in the fact that you still had the spirit to keep up and party even after the effects of your last hour of madness. It wasn’t long till you had gotten comfortable in his arms you had successfully partied yourself to sleep. Todoroki was careful in lifting you, thanking everyone from attending before quietly slipping out from the apartment. 

He took a deep breath as he somehow managed to find your car, maneuvering to get you into the car and hopping in on his side to drive you home. Todoroki made sure to drive carefully in hopes that you wouldn’t barf all over his car that you had used to get there. The drive back was much quicker than when you two had headed up since it was practically dead at night and the streets empty. He liked drives like these. A part of him was sad that you weren’t awake for it.

Your boyfriend repeated the same process when he had pulled into your apartment complex, picking up your body and bringing you up to your shared home. He was dedicated to getting you situated, prepared to take care of you as much as he needed to. That’s how he found himself tending to your scrapes and bruises right now.

“You know I’m never going to let you drink again.” Shouto teases you, smirking lightly at your sad expression.

“You’d never!” You argued back with the same teasing tone, moving to cross your arms, stifling the pain as you did so.

Todoroki snorts at your dedication to hold up the act, nodding his head as he finished cleaning up your legs. “You’re right. But don’t expect me not to monitor you from now on.” 

A smile tugs at your lips at his words, uncrossing your arms. The lingering drunk feeling still played in how you thought and spoke but not managing to affect how effortless it was to talk to Shouto. You blushed when he picked up your hands, kissing the back of your hands as he spoke to you once again.

“I have a present for you.” He mutters against your skin, eyes trained on the fresh bandages before looking up at you. He wasn’t looking for an answer and he didn’t wait for one either. He hoped that you couldn’t tell that he was weary, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small velvet box. 

Your eyes widened at the realization of what he held in his hand, your heart beating faster as you sat up in your chair. “Sh-Sho?”

“It’s not what you think.” He responds almost defensively. Shouto bites his lip in anticipation, fiddling with the little box. “... it’s a promise ring,” Todoroki concludes. He felt like he had to explain himself for the slightly expensive jewelry. “If you don’t want it-”

You had engulfed him in a hug, pulling him tight against you as you had started to sob. You couldn’t think of words for how happy you were. The only thing that had taken over your body was actions. You nuzzled your face into his neck once his arms wrapped around your shaking your body. His hands soothingly rubbed your back, letting you get out what you wanted. He couldn’t help but laugh when you pull away with the most love-filled face he’d ever seen you make.

“You okay?”

“I’m perfect!” You hastily wiped your face with the help of Shouto, shakily laughing once he leaned into pepper your face with kisses. 

“I was afraid that I scared you,” Shouto admits. You shake your head as you grab his hands, placing his palms on your cheeks, appreciating his soft palms.

“No… your hands are really soft…” You mumble. Your mind went blank as you tried to remember the next line you were going to speak, pouting as you looked around for the answer. The shock of him handing you the ring has successfully shaken you into processing your brain a little better, the heavy impacts of your drinking still lingering on.

“Are you okay?” He asks, worried. You nod your head in affirmation. 

“A kiss could cheer me up.” You give him the same puppy eyes that you used before, weaponizing your cuteness to your advantage. He slightly cringed at the thought, hesitating before leaning in and placing a soft kiss against yours. He prepared himself to taste the alcohol against his lips. He pulled away once he deemed it ready, wiping his mouth and getting the ring he kept in his hand the whole day.

“I think you owe me by wearing the ring for making me kiss you.” He huffs, slipping the ring on your finger, his heart beating at the sound of your giggle.

“Nah you love me without the ring~”

“Yes, but I’d prefer you with it on.” He stands up and holds his hand out for you, taking you into his arms once again for the night and carrying you to your room. “For now get some rest, okay?” He sat you down on the bed and got you changed out of your clothes, sneaking in a few playful kisses here and there to make you laugh. Shouto’s main focus was just to get you situated to sleep peacefully for the night. 

“G’night, Sho…” You mutter to him as you got comfortable in the sheets. Although the returning soreness didn’t go away you had managed to close your eyes and get comfortable.

“Goodnight.” He watched you until you fell asleep before leaving the room to prepare for you the pain medication you’d need in the morning for your impending hangover. 

You never needed the promise ring to let you know he loved you; his actions always told you so.

[wereg0blin]

for the ask meme? all of them u thot

For ur and Cris' demand1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?Yes!!!!! 2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?UhHHHHHH it is 3 years older than me but hhhhhhh probably not3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?Bicth ten mins ago4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?ALWAYS5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?If there are they can go fuck themselves right in the butthole6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?CHOKE-I dont know how but they found me - mr seen aka my eX hHHhH7. What exactly are you wearing right now?a cute ass blouse thingy some tights and christmas deer antlers on top of a Santa hat8. How often do you listen to music?every chance i get9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?jeans i guess10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?i dont even remember 201311. Are you a social or an antisocial person?both damn12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?On the cheek yes13. What about ‘R’?platonically yes14. Can you drive a stick shift?i can climb sticks???? does that count??? 15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?they 100% do and i dont really care bc everyone talks shit about everyone 16. Are you going out of town soon?i dont know how to reply to this because i live in two towns17. When was the last time you cried?Wednesday i think,, i wish i could cry more often 18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?i try to say it as much as i can bc i have a lot of love in my heart19. If you could change your eye color, would you?maybe a lighter blue bc gray blue isn't that pretty20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?not counting evan,,, uhh Boys ARE A BLESSING TO THIS WORLD FUXK YEAH21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.am planning to tell mh parents abt my depression but hHHHHH22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?if it has boy in it iT CUTE23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?NopE cris is like,,,, my best friend wtf24. What are you sitting on right now?b e d i t s o f t25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?FRIENS. LOVE THEM. 26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?ALL THW TIME B I TCH27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?my roommates 28. Do you get a lot of colds?nop, but when i do its fuxked up29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?Switzerland 30. Does anyone hate you?yepity depity do and i hope they burn in hell fucking pieces of shits31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?it will be a cold day in hell when i drink my dudes32. Do you like watching scary movies?BITCH I L OV E MAKING FUN OF MOVIESSO SEEING SHITTY SCARY MOVIES IS A FUCKING BLESSING 33. Do you want your tongue pierced?Nah how tf am i gonna eat spicy shit then???? ¿¿¿¿34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?2015????or 2016??? i think that was the worst my depression ever was35. Did you have a dream last night?i think????? 36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?right now37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?hope not???? but then again???? kinda hope i do????? probably not doe38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?yes i know at least 2 boys and i feel so sorry for them39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?probs40. Did you have a good day yesterday?mmmeh41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?oh shit i have no Fucking idea 42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?y e s43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?i think???? cris must've told me at least one time and evan too so Uhhhh i guess???? ¿¿¿¿44. What’s the best part about school?i get to have unnecessary crushes45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?ppppplenty46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?yeah but he called me a slut and a whore 47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?god fucking hell all the time 48. Were you single over the last summer?yep49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?nope thank the whatever the fuck is out there 50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?sleeping i guess51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?evan is a precious cinnamon roll fuck off 52. Are you nice to everyone?YES YES YES YES ALWAYS as i saidk i l l t h e m w i t h k i n d n e s s53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?h hh hhh fuCking tAke a wIld Gue Ss m854. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?bitch when i cheat will be the day i cut my throat 55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?bad feelings? yescrushes? n0Pe56. Do you think you like someone?i think but i hope not57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?nop i do not Think so my dude 58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?why THE FUCK would that matter59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?current ones?? i dont think so??? 60. Do you hate anyone?nah i just,,,, strongly dislike themexcept the fucking bitches i called friends i hopr they die in a fire 61. How’s your heart?idk i guess ok??? im always okay62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?not really pffft63. Have you ever cried over a guy?yes all the time,, boys r beautiful 64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?hmmmmmmmmm idk i can think of a few people but i hope not 65. Are your toenails painted pink?I W I S H66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?bih i wish i could have my first kiss67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?if boyfriend cries i cry thats bad 68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?poor poor souls that actually had this happen to them69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?my sister!!! 70. How do you look right now?bored Even doe im honestly just relaxed 71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?i do that with everyone bc if u don't like me u don't have tk be around me 72. Can you commit to one person?yes ofc!!!??? 73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?even bby ilu74. Have you ever felt replaced?i think?? yes probs75. Did you wake up cranky?nop76. Are you a jealous person?hhhhHA YOU DONT EVEN K N O W77. Are relationships ever worth it?Theyre fun but the end of them makes me wanna die78. Anyone you’re giving up on?crushes and teachers 79. Currently wanting to see anyone?3 more years bih u better wait for meand u too eben b safe u dork80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?sssstudy h81. Last person you cried in front of?mom82. Is there someone you will never forget?yyyES83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?nope he doesn't really care about me anymore (although i dont think he ever did) 84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?BICTH ID BE KISSING THAY THOT ALL OVER HER FACE AND WATCHING SAW AND VORING PIZZAEVEN DUDE HHHHELTS WATCH SAW 3 AND LAUGH AT THAT DUDE BREAKING HIS LEG AND THWN I CAN HUG YOU TILL I DIE FROM DEHYDRATION 85. Are you over your past?i ggggUess??? 86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?i have no idea 87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to? @lady-misfortune @space-ace-sneevee @thelilshadowchild88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?what has been has been but i guess idk yet bc ive had like 1 bf for now 89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?never kissed 90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?i guess???????? 91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?i sure as hell have no idea92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?Michael Jackson and I are best buddies bItch93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?noPe94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?i was in a relationship with my laptop and i didnt leave him from 7pm to 6am 95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?he a dicky 96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?bicth fucjing prettiest people youll find97. Who do you have texts from?crissy gorl that im too lazy to reply to98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?happened to me and i said "glad u told me earlier i dont want u being with me if u r uncomfy" it did hurt like a fucking bitch doe99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?bitch never kissed 100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?me, myself and i101. Ever kissed under fireworks?NEVER KISSED FFS102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?IN a jar nicely packed and handed to me? no but stomach butterflies so bad i wanted to throw up? yes

[soysaucevictim]

The interview came and went. Won’t know how I did until a later date.

-

July 8

I got up a bit after 10AM, today.

Decided to spend some time messing with my Twitter and fandom blogs for awhile, before getting in all my exercise for the day.

First, today’s DD. 2 minutes side-to-side chops with EC. A bit antsy today, but this helped somewhat. I counted 138 reps by the end of the 2', very fun and doable! :D

Second, Day 3 of the T10C. 10′ non-stop punching. I swapped stances every minute (except one time where it was 2′ for both sides.) I also counted 1101 punches thrown, although I may’ve made a counting error at some point... I think this sounds right. (Noting a bit over 100/min.)

Last, Day 3 of CCC. 40 torso twists. This was basically a very similar action to the DD! Pffft. But it was still breezy work! :,D

(Ooof, perhaps it’s all the squats or yesterday’s DD... but my quads have been quite sore today!)

I then took a shower and tried to assemble some notes for that job interview... despite constantly distracting myself out of anxiety. orz

-

July 9

I got up a bit before 8AM.

One of the first things I did while at the facility was ask other people about their local dentist experiences. I think I may have a solid pick to revise what happened to my molar... so I’m happy I have a bit of direction there.

Then, went to Seeking Safety Group, which went well enough.

I spent the rest of my time there doing a second pass over that stream footage and doing the DD. 30 leg raises with EC. Did this one while I was out at the facility, again. Manageable but certainly a bit tough. :P

One of the first things I had to do once back home was make the family dinner, even though on the inside I was tired and didn’t want to. It was stuffed green bell peppers and tasty, though. Bro also doing the dishes from yesterday’s dinner was nice, too.

Spent a few hours playing games and watching YouTube before finishing up my exercise.

First, Day 4 of the T10C. 7 sets of 40″ squats + 20″ shoulder taps, with a finisher of 3′ of squats. I found this very manageable... had to get going later than intended because I was still digesting my food. :P

Last, Day 4 of the CCC. 70 side leg raises, done in one go. This time I opted to do 50%/50%, which was more challenging than alternating sides. Might try to do the rest of this commitment like that or continue mixing things up. We’ll see. :Ic

-

July 10

I got up around 9:30AM. Spent much of my day leading up to the interview prepping some notes and getting ready... and getting aggravated with my browser hanging. :/

Got to my interview. Was nervy for awhile out of my own concerns abt my transportation arrangements (Though now I have a few potential plans to get to the facility) & feeling like I didn't prepare myself enough. But I don't think I did COMPLETELY abysmally.

When I got home and got some food in me, I spent some time drafting my thank you notes/letters. Despite still being nervous and attempting to process what occurred. I hope I can get them finished and delivered before tomorrow’s end, once I’ve smoothed some details out.

Remains to be seen whether I got the position or not (going to take a couple weeks or so).

I then worked on some HW my psychiatrist handed me to do, which on some level I didn’t really want to do, because my brain was getting kinda hazy at that point. But did something to that end. (Kinda frustrated with myself for thoughtlessly scheduling my next appointment tomorrow at an awkward time for the county transport... nnng.)

Getting in my exercise helped a bit though.

First, today’s DD. 1′ reverse plank with EC. Took some willpower to get through, but steady breathing is key. Ooof. :P

Second, Day 5 of the T10C. 10 sets of 2x20″ high knees + 20″ climbers, with 1′ march steps as a warmup. Because i didn’t feel like negotiating a HIIT timer situation - I went for 30 climbers for each set. As I went, it was a couple seconds short - but close enough in my book. It was NOT a cakewalk. Had to pace a bit to get the HR down.

Last, Day 5 of the CCC. 40 torso twists. I do appreciate this was the easier of the two days after T10C’s stuff.

-

July 11

Been up since a bit before 7AM, needed to be up earlier for an appointment.

The psych appointment went well enough. Did ask the clinic about the para-transit application. I won’t submit it unless I get this job - because I don’t have the income to support getting [standard OR para] bus tickets, etc..

Then I did some socializing, played some Risk with others, got to WRAP Group, and did the DD. Also asked about something in regard to the interview - when I get the info I need, I’ll finish up and send those thank you letters.

The DD was 3′ balance stand with EC. Did this one while I was out at the facility today. Was not up for doing the EEC though, takes a lot of emotional energy I do not have, today. But I did EC twice, 3'/3' in one go. That was fun and meditative. :D

After all that, got home and mostly tried to get situated. But I did do the rest of my exercise.

First, Day 6 of the T10C. 5 sets of 1′ sit-ups + 1′ flutter kicks. Had to do the sit-ups a bit more slowly and took several pauses for recovery during the flutter kicks. I also did tht latter mostly wwith my head down... too tired to deal with neck strain.

Last, Day 6 of the CCC. 80 side leg raises, in one go. I think I’ll do all of this challenge 50%/50%. Especially given that the other one’s instance of them are side-to-sides.

I’m... was not happy about having to make dinner today. Or doing the dishes. But I had to, even though I running on fumes. orz

-

July 12

I got up at around 10 AM, today.

Spent a few hours on the usual, before getting in my DD, today. 200 squat hold punches with EC. Oof, that took some willpower to get through. But I'm happy I managed it, trying to throw faster punches helps. :D

I also wrote my thank you letters, did dishes, and made the family dinner.

Bleh... let’s just say I found myself in a spiral about the letter, but a friend helped me deal with the anxiety spike. I’m grateful for the reality check.

-

July 13

I got up after noon, today.

I spent much of my time on the usual. But I did get in some exercise.

First, today’s DD. 40 side-to-side lunges with EC. This was pretty challenging, especially in the last 10 or so reps. But this was still pretty manageable. :P

Second, Day 7 of the T10C. 10′ non-stop side-to-side leg raises. Ooof. That was tough. I counted 524 reps in the duration, lifting my left leg got to be harder than the right.

Last, Day 7 of the CCC. 40 torso twists in one go.

One of the last things I did today was prepping for tomorrow’s dinner. Intend to make some vegetarian chili.

-

July 14

I got up before 10AM, today.

Similar thing as yesterday. Did a bit more meal prep and some exercise, though.

First, today’s DD. 60 knee-to-elbow twists with EC. This was pretty fun, first few was a bit awkward because I wasn't super focused. But quickly got in the rhythm and enjoyed myself. :D

I guess making that vegetarian chili today and opting to do some mass repairs on the gloves I use... took too much of my time/energy to get around to doing my main exercise stuff. But hey, knocked out a fairly big To Do, there. :P

-

July 15

I got up around 10AM, today.

I don’t have much to show for myself other than exercise. And eating FAR too many damn cookies today. orz

First, today’s DD. 2′ O-pose with EC. A personal favorite, because of the ab work and the balance focus. But still not a cakewalk, didn't take a whole lot of time before I got to trembling! Steady breathing is key. :D

Second, Day 8 of the T10C. 7 sets of 30″ jumping Jacks + 30″ plank jacks; with a finisher of 3′ jumping jacks. Had to go at a deliberately slow pace with the jumping jacks to get through this, but I managed. My calves really felt it. :,D

Last, Day 8 of the CCC. 90 side leg raises. 45/45 in one go. That got mildly tough shortly after all the jacks.

With that, I should get to bed in a bit, now.

Okay... I really need to hit publish... this post is getting too damn long.

[crispyninjadonut]

Keeper Group Chat chapter 4

A/N hey guysss I finally finished this oh my gosh im so sorry for the wait. I had a bit of writers block for a bit but I did it I finished woooo!!!!

There is one link to youtube in this, but I swear its safe, just something really stupid. My boyfriend sent it to me whilst I was writing and I couldn't resist XD.

So yeah, as always its under the cut as always!

Linh: hello hello hello

Linh: is no one else up yet

Linh: oh my gosh

~~~~~ two hours later~~~~~~

Biana: linh why were you up at 6 in the morning????????

Linh: I was bored

Linh: and wanted to see if anyone else was up yet

Biana: you know what I need

Linh: sleep

Biana: that too

Keefe: hey guys

Linh: I wanna bake something

Linh: like a cake

Keefe: FOOD

Biana: oooh

Linh: or muffins or something else i dunno

Biana: like tam would be cool with you messing the kitchen up

Sophie: are we gonnA BAKE

Linh: yeah

Sophie: my parents can take you BIana be ready in 10 min

Biana: ok

Keefe: aWWWWWWWWWWWW

Sophie: dont worry well bring you some

Keefe: yay

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~1 hour later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dex: you guys aRE BAKING

Dex: i sleep in for once and i miss everything

Keefe: shhh

Keefe: lemme go back to sleep

Dex: ughhhhhhhhhhhh

Dex: nah

Keefe: -_-

Dex: blah

Dex: Blah

Dex: blah

Dex: someBODY ONCE TOLD ME

Dex: the world was gonna roll me

Keefe: STOP

Dex: I aint the sharpest tool in sheeeed

Dex: she was looking kinda dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an l

Dex: on

Dex: her

Dex: forehead

Sophie: seriosly dex stop blowing up my phone

Dex: ugh fine

Sophie: thank you

Dex: how much longer till youre done baking

Sophie: half an hour maybe?

Keefe: ohhh yeah

Dex: I thought you were adleep

Keefe: not anymore

Keefe: food

Fitz: what is happening

Keefe: yo

Dex: biana sophie n linh are baking

Fitz: so that's why biana wasnt answering me

Sophie: yup

Sophie: gtg

Keefe: tell us whenyour done pls

Fitz: u no what we should do

Fitz: we should have a guys night

Dex: ~_~

Fitz: what does that face even MEAN

Dex: id rather not

Keefe: um up for it

Fitz: well well see what tam thinks

Dex: sigh

Biana: XD

Biana: bro are you serious

Fitz: yeah why

Biana: I dunno about this fitz

Keefe: I think it'llbe fun

Biana: oookay

Dex: fine ill do it

Fitz: yayI

Tam: linh HAS TAKEN OVER THE KITCHEN

Fitz: hey hey hey tam

Tam: what

Fitz: we're gonna have a guys night

Tam: no

Keefe: DANGIT

Fitz: c'mon tam

Tam: nooo

Dex: welp there goes that

Fitz: why not

Biana: taaaam do it g my bro plsssssss

Fitz: yEAH

Tam: ugh fine

Keefe: woot woot

Sophie: you guys are ridiculous

Dex: we try

Sophie: XD

Sophie: the foods almost done

Keefe: awww yeah

Dex: ooh

Keefe: on my way

Dex: I'm coming

Fitz: are you guys ready

Fitz:????

Fitz: helloooko

Fitz: ugh

Tam: ready for what

Fitz: UUUUUUUUUGH

Fitz: the sleepover!!!!!!!!

Tam: oh

Tam: i didnt know it was gonna be now

Fitz: OMG

Dex: whats goin on

Fitz: the Sleepover!!!!

Dex: ohh

Dex: that

Fitz: yes that!

Dex: lemme get dressed

Tam: dude

Tam: its 3 pm

Dex: I KNOW VERY WELL WHAT tME IT IS

Keefe: PFFFT

Sophie: DEEEEX

Dex: i know i know

Fitz: what are we gonna do with you

Dex: ok im ready

Fitz: great!!!

Fitz: you can just walk on in the doors unlocked

Dex: woo

Fitz: what about you tam

Fitz: hellooo

Tam: hi sorry

Tam: im packin

Fitz: cool

Fitz: and where has keefe gone

Biana: can you guys have a different group chat about this

Biana:  im getting spammed

Fitz: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Sophie: pffft

Keefe: i was taking a nap

Sophie: of course

Keefe: whats going on

Fitz: were having a guys night

Keefe: ohhhh

Keefe: im gonna go back to sleep now

Biana: oh dang

Dex: cmooon keefe

Keefe: ughghghgh

Tam: im on my way

Fitz: yay

Fitz: keeefe itll be funnn

Keefe: fiiine

Dex: woo

Dex: almost there

Linh: i put my phone down to garden

Linh: foR A HALF HOUR

Fitz: sorryyyy

Linh: its okay

Linh: what happened though

Sophie: rambling

Sophie: you didnt miss much tbh

Fitz: hEY

Sophie: :P

Linh: ok then

Fitz: dex

Fitz: hes here gotta goooo

Sophie: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OsnfYn_ZFdE&t=27s

Biana: im scared to click that link

Sophie: its great

Sophie: i swear

Biana: iTS 15 MINUTES LONG

Sophie: shh

Sophie: just watch

Keefe: um

Sophie: dotto dotto dotto dotto

Sophie: im still not tired of it

Tam: is sophie going insane

Tam: should we eb worried

Sophie: nah

Sophie: im finne

Biana: what is this stupid video

Sophie: just watttch

Dex: sophie im dissapointed in your memes

Keefe: finally on mah way

Sophie: okay biana you can stop

Sophie: it repeats

Biana: oh thank god

Biana: im free

~~~~~~~~Biana to Sophie~~~~~~~~~

Biana: all the guys are here and im suffocating

Sophie: lets go to teh cafe around the corner

Biana: what about linh

Sophie: shes gardening rn i dont think she wants to be interupted

Biana: ahh

Biana: be there in 5

Sophie: coolio

 Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

[bravado-raven]

Get To Know Me

Tagged by the magnificent @itana-007, Thank you so much for tagging me :D. I apologise for not doing these sooner tumblr isnt giving me damn notifications =P.

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag however many people you want!

THE LAST: 1. Drink: Water 2. Phone call: IRL friend Ash 3. Text message: @haikyuukazoo 4. Song you listened to: It Has Begun ~ Starset 5. Time you cried: 2 hrs ago, lmao.

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: Nup 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Nope 8. Been cheated on: Nah 9. Lost someone special: Definitely 10. Been depressed: Absolutely 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Not legally allowed to drink =P

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLOURS: 12-14: Today i’m feeling Turquoise, Brown and Olive

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: Online, Yeah. IRL, lmao who’d wanna talk to this nerd. 16. Fallen out of love: Not sure i truely know what love is. 17. Laughed until you cried: Of course! 18. Found out someone was talking about you: Negative 19. Met someone who changed you: I’ve met ppl who i never want to be like so yeah? i guess? 20. Found out who your friends are: Uh.. i always knew who they were... they are them, weird and unique as they are. 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: HA let’s just stop this at I’ve never kissed someone before.

GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: All of em. 23. Do you have any pets: YA :D 24. Do you want to change your name: Never 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: Celebrated it in Japan with my friends. 26. What time did you wake up: 4:05am 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Probably reading fanfiction 28. Name something you can’t wait for: The sweet release of death? uhh well my friends just organised another hang out so probably that cause i haven’t seen them in what feels like a month. 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: 3 mins ago 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: My fitness level. 31. What are you listening right now: My dad teaching my baby brother about pumpkins. 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: XD Yeah, he’s in my Chem and Physics and has the same will to live as I do. Man what a meme. 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: Dad 34. Most visited Website: Tumblr, Youtube and Netflix cause i have no life...

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME (Lmaooo) 35. Mole/s: Everywhere, like there are some old friends and some im like ... where u always there?? 36. Mark/s: I mean i always accidentally draw on myself cause im reckless. 37. Childhood dream: I wanted to be a singer which was crushed by my dad telling me i’m not good enough, then i wanted to be a scientist. 38. Hair Colour: Black 39. Long or short hair: Short, I love short hair, though i have no idea what suits me. like i look bad in both but in short I look a little less bad? 40. Do you have a crush on someone: I’m confused... idk if it’s a crush, or if it’s the desire for platonic friendship. (most likely the latter cause im about as romantic as a rag covered in moulded melted cheese) (KITA WTF) 41. What do you like about yourself: Uh.............. 42. Piercings: Nay 43. Bloodtype: O Positive, (at least some aspect of my life is positive) (kita no) 44. Nickname: Niki or Kita 45. Relationship status: Single 46. Zodiac: Capricor 47. Pronouns: Don’t really care for pronouns, call me whatever as long as it isnt mean, then i’ll fite u (pls no) 48. Favorite TV Show: OF ALL TIME, FOREVER WILL BE A:TLA 49. Tattoos: I would love some, but im not sure what of. 50. Right or left hand: Right 51. Surgery: Nada 52. Hair dyed in different colour:  Nein, i’d love like subtle steaks or surprise rainbow fish under but yeah, i like my hair colour. 53. Sport: I was gonna put *runs away* but i know i can’t even do that. 55. Vacation: Take me away, idec where, Surprise trips are great. 56. Pair of trainers: What does this even mean?

MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: A *uncrumples packet* Carman’s Original, Fruit Free, Museli bar. 58. Drinking: Nothin rn. 59. I’m about to: Probably binge youtube OR start my Chem homework. 61. Waiting for: a reason to live Something to genuinely smile or laugh at. 62. Want: mental stability?  63. Get married: At this moment in time don’t think so. 64. Career: I have no clue, I wanted to go into medicine but dad said there’s no point cause i probs wont get in and it’s really hard (Thanks dad). at the moment i want any career that allows me to directly help other people (which was why i wanted to go into medicine and help those with terminal illnesses)

WHICH IS BETTER 65. Hugs or kisses: SHORT STORY TIME! So my family isnt a very... intimate? emotional? family. We do hug each other but it’s more like pats on the back, we do not kiss each other and don’t say “I love you” very often and that’s fine, cause it means that when we do, it carries a lot more with it. Now I FEAR kisses and saying the “L” word. Like i don’t like the “L” word in an intimate sense, it scares me. Luv is fine, but “LOVE” has too much emotional meaning behind it for it to be said just willy nilly, for me personally. ANYWAY STORY TIME KINDA? I GUESS OVER. (i choose hugs.) 66. Lips or eyes: Eyes, honestly the amount of times i want to just admire anyone’s eyes is uncountable. The unique patterns and shade and lighting UH. 67. Shorter or taller: Taller.  68. Older or younger: Honestly the elderly and the youth scare me. I’m okay with anyone as long as they accept me. 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: Nice person. 71. Sensitive or loud: Both. If you wanna be loud by thor be as loud as you want (as long as you respect that we all have a right to quiet), if u wanna talk bout ur feelings sure i’ll listen, can’t help but i’ll listen. 72. Hook up or relationship: What is a hook up? Relationship i guess? 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Hesitant.

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a Stranger: Again, No to the kisses. 75. Drank hard liquor: Again, Not legally allowed too. 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: Don’t wear em. 77. Turned someone down: HA who’d want me 78. Sex on the first date: Let’s just stop at “first date”  79. Broken someone’s heart: Lmao i hope not, don’t waste ur time on my dumb ass. I’m too oblivious for that. 80. Had your heart broken: Idk if it counts as a “heart break” if ur like, 13. Like chill child your still young. 81. Been arrested: Nah 82. Cried when someone died: Of Course. 83. Fallen for a friend: Tripped, yes. in love? Don’t think so.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: HELL NO :D 85. Miracles: pffft, nah 86. Love at first sight: Absolutely not. 87. Santa Claus: A creepy old white fat man that gives me presents? (sugar daddy) 88. Kiss on the first date: Again, Kisses are a No-No unless i share a very strong emotional bond with you (even then u’d be lucky)

OTHER: 90. Current best friend name: probs this scrub @beeboplox 91. Eyecolor: Brown.  92. Favorite movie: The incredibles?

TAGGING TIME: The usual @whovian1077, @firthermore​, @haikyuukazoo​, and anyone who wants to do this.

100% optional! If ya would like me to stop tagging you gimme a shout and i’ll stop (also goes if you’d like to be tagged). Thanks y’all for being awesome. =PP

[maetaamong]

Unusual Asks - My Answers

1. Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? - Spotify 2. is your room messy or clean? - Not too messy but not too clean 3.what color are your eyes? - Blue 4. do you like your name? why? - Yes, because I've never met someone with the same name. 5. what is your relationship status? - Single yet head over heels in love with multiple kpop idols 6. describe your personality in 3 words or less - Introverted, creative, inclusive 7. what color hair do you have? - Brownish blonde 8. what kind of car do you drive? color? - I don't have a car yet 9. where do you shop? - A bunch of different sites online 10. how would you describe your style? - Mild Harajuku 11. favorite social media account - @kittae 12. what size bed do you have? - King 13. any siblings? - One younger brother 14. if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? - Either Vancouver, Canada (because I grew up there and miss it) or Seoul, South Korea (cause I adore kpop) 15. favorite snapchat filter? - I don't have Snapchat 16. favorite makeup brand(s) - Sulhwasoo 17. how many times a week do you shower? - 5 18. favorite tv show? - Shokugeki No Soma 19. shoe size? - 10/10.5 Women's 20. how tall are you? - 5'7" or 170cm 21. sandals or sneakers? - Sneakers 22. do you go to the gym? - Nope 23. describe your dream date - Hanging out at the guy/girl's house and playing video games while cuddling. 24. how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? - around $70 25. what color socks are you wearing? - Light blue 26. how many pillows do you sleep with? - zero, they hurt my neck and shoulders 27. do you have a job? what do you do? - Nope, but I volunteer at a stables 28. how many friends do you have? - A whole fuck ton cause I travel a lot, meet people online, am at my third school and have moved across the country 29. whats the worst thing you have ever done? - I honestly don't know 30. whats your favorite candle scent? - pine or vanilla cupcake 31. 3 favorite boy names - Theodore, Jason, and Taehyung 32. 3 favorite girl names - Somin, Lia, and Marzia 33. favorite actor? - Chris Pratt or Park Hyungsik 34. favorite actress? - Emma Watson 35. who is your celebrity crush? - Min Yoongi and Kwon Jiyong 36. favorite movie? - Guardians of the Galaxy and Kimi No Na Wa 37. do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? - yes, Ready Player One 38. money or brains? - brains 39. do you have a nickname? what is it? - Kiki 40. how many times have you been to the hospital? - For an emergency? 2 times 41. top 10 favorite songs (not in order) - Saturnz Barz by Gorillaz - Sober by BigBang - As If It's Your Last by Blackpink - Feel Good Inc by Gorillaz - Wings by BTS - Never Ever by Got7 - Ooh Ahh by Twice - Flowers by Seneca B - Coffee by BTS - Red by Hyuna 42. do you take any medications daily? - Thankfully no 43. what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) - dry 44. what is your biggest fear? - snakes and popping balloons 45. how many kids do you want? - 2 46. whats your go to hair style? - Natural and loose 47. what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) - very big 48. who is your role model? - Min Yoongi 49. what was the last compliment you received? - "Your cheesecake is very good" (said in Spanish) 50. what was the last text you sent? - Haha okay, goodnight❤️❤️ 51. how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? - Probably 7 or 8 52. what is your dream car? - don't really have one. As long as it looks sleek and gets me from A to B Idc 53. opinion on smoking? - really really don't like it 54. do you go to college? - I'm not done with high school yet but I plan on going to uni 55. what is your dream job? - Either a video game programmer or being able to compete more in horse riding 56. would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? - suburbs 57. do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? - nope 58. do you have freckles? - a decent amount on my nose and cheeks as well as on my arms and legs 59. do you smile for pictures? - yes 60. how many pictures do you have on your phone? - 341 61. have you ever peed in the woods? - well I've gone camping many times so yes 62. do you still watch cartoons? - if they're already on then hell yes but I won't go put on My Little Ponies on my own 63. do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? - McPukes 64. Favorite dipping sauce? - Ketchup 65. what do you wear to bed? - loose shorts and a big t-shirt 66. have you ever won a spelling bee? - I've never been in a spelling bee 67. what are your hobbies? - reading, writing, playing video games, cooking, horse riding 68. can you draw? - pffft no 69. do you play an instrument? - I can play the stereo 70. what was the last concert you saw? - I don't even remember 71. tea or coffee? - Tae, coffee is too bitter for me 72. Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? - neither? I don't like donuts cause they make my stomach hurt and I (still) don't like coffee 73. do you want to get married - definitely 74. what is your crush’s first and last initial? - LG 75. are you going to change your last name when you get married? - depends on whether the last name sounds terrible with my name or not, but probably 76. what color looks best on you? - blue, because of my eyes 77. do you miss anyone right now? - yes, quite a few actually 78. do you sleep with your door open or closed? - closed but my door pops open on its own at night cause it's slanted and doesn't shut properly (*coughs* demons *coughs*) 79. do you believe in ghosts? - nope 80. what is your biggest pet peeve? - people trying to convince me that something I like is dumb or unlikeable 81. last person you called - my teacher 82. favorite ice cream flavor? - cotton candy 83. regular oreos or golden oreos? - regular 84. chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? - BOTH 85. what shirt are you wearing? - a dark grey Verdiazul t-shirt that has some yellow paint smudges on it 86. what is your phone background? - a photo of GDragon with green hair and a B&W fur coat on stage 87. are you outgoing or shy? - shy at first but more outgoing once I get to know and trust you 88. do you like it when people play with your hair? - yesssssssssssssssssss 89. do you like your neighbors? - I don't hate them but I don't adore them either 90. do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? - yes, in the morning 91. have you ever been high? - nope 92. have you ever been drunk? - nope 93. last thing you ate? - a Nanaimo bar 94. favorite lyrics right now - "Saturns about to make love and I'm just a heartbreaker" 95. summer or winter? - winter 96. day or night? - night 97. dark, milk, or white chocolate? - milk 98. favorite month? - October 99. what is your zodiac sign - Gemini 100. who was the last person you cried in front of? - My grandmother because I watched Kimi No Na Wa with her

[lemonade-n-bagels]

Update on My Life!

- I moved back to my country from America (Texas) a little over a month ago. I felt like a failure bc I’ve been gone for 10 years and promised myself that I would never come back, especially after my Abuela passed away. But tbh, it was honestly one of the best decisions I’ve made over the last two yrs.

No “regerts”. Lol.

- I’ve applied to over 30 jobs (only heard back from 3 [and that’s counting interviews, assessments, etc]). Everyone said it was a great time to move back home because everyone was hiring, especially the government, but it’s all about WHO you know and not WHAT you know.

- I only have $25 left in my name. 😩 Thank god for my mum, adoptive parents, and boyfriend for helping me out during this time.

- I’ve started cleaning up my mum’s apartment, but haven’t made much progress. She’s a hoarder and I was only allowed to touch some stuff in her living room.

*** I was able to throw out a great deal of stuff, but now she won’t let me do anything else. ***

- I broke out in what I thought was a really nasty ass heat rash my first week back (moved back on June 13th), and I now have to use sunscreen (spf 70 or higher) if I’m going to be outside for more than 15 mins, and use aloe healing gel right after because I have polymorphous light eruption (PMLE). I’m basically allergic/sensitive to sunlight. 😔

**** I still go to the beach and try to get darker tho. I’m way darker than I’ve been in a long time and I’m so glad! ****

- Decided that I want to run for senate when I’m in my 40s to help make my island a better place bc I honestly hate seeing how it looks now.

- Went to the beach and got stung by back jellies. 😩 I’m also trying to get back into snorkeling and diving, but my claustrophobia got worse over the past 10 yrs. Baby steps tho!

- Started playing Pokémon Go again and fucking finally hatched a Togepi, and evolved my Eevee into an Espeon!

- Had an interview for an overseas job position and I passed it! I start it in 7 months, and have up until Feb 2019 to prep and get ready for yet another international move.

*** I’m really excited bc I’ve always wanted to live in that particular country and now I have a chance to accomplish that goal! ***

- Decided that I’m gonna go back to college and finish that ONE last class so that I can finally have my BFA in Media Arts & Animation. So I’ll be moving again and leaving the island in the fall. I’m so ready to get that degree that I let slip from me back in 2016.

- And finally, I’m feeling so much more better mentally. I’m glad I moved back here bc with my mum there’s a lot of peace and quiet. It’s the happiest I’ve been in over two years.

2018 started out horrible and I felt like a complete failure and got really close to ending my life, but it’s gotten so much better and I’m so thankful and grateful to the Universe for not giving up on me.

Update #1 7/25: Turned in my Immigration paperwork, intro video and photo of myself about 2-3 days ago. Heard back from my recruiter that I wasn’t what they were looking for. So back to square one.

Update #2 8/10: Got a job as a graphic designer at a printing studio. I design T-shirt’s and stuff. I hate making the actual shirts and pressing shit on them. It’s annoying and I’m always fucking up somehow. I’ll probably get fired soon, and I’m prepared for it. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Update #3 8/13: Boyfriend broke up with me 2 days before my bday. I missed my flight and I guess he couldn’t take the long distance anymore. Lol. I’m so dumb for falling for people. It’s all my fault tho. What did I expect? To be happy. Pffft. Yeah right.

Update #4: I’ve put school off again bc I have no laptop and getting WiFi where I stay is almost impossible.

Update #5 9/12/18: Accepted the fact that being alone is what’s destined for me. Don’t care for relationships or even friends tbh. Just turned off by everything. Tbh, the only thing that keeps me going is knowing that one day I’m gonna finally do it. I’ll finally kill myself. Just waiting until I build up the courage for it. But I’m so ready for it.

[adventurousrecovery]

You Wish

I was beaten and I let him. By the end of our relationship I was being called names, accused of doing things I hadn't done, constantly put down, and anything I did was never good enough. Our relationship ended and I had no idea who I was. I fell apart only to put myself back together. Five years later my ex contacts me via my artist page. I had recently changed the name on my personal page, making it difficult for clients and weirdos to find me. I am glad I did so. I finally enter into a relationship after 5 years and shortly after am contacted by my ex, who is now married with a kid.

(December 11, 2017)

Ex: Hey, Caitlin! How are you!?

Me: I am doing well. It's been a tough year with changes and losses, but has drastically taken a turn.

(December 12, 2017)

Ex: I'm sorry to hear you've been through some stuff, but I'm thankful things seem to be getting better! Listen...I was going through some stuff and stumbled upon your old gameboy. I thought you might appreciate getting it back.

*sends picture of the gameboy*

Me: Yes!

Ex: Awesome! Well I'm not sure what your schedule is like these days, but just let me know and we'll figured something out.

Me: I live in Terre Haute, but occasionally come south for the weekends and appointments. I will be down south this weekend, but not sure if I will make it to Eville on Sunday. I have numerous things in Evansville Monday and plan on attending AOC.

Ex: Ok that's fine. Just send me a message when you're in town and we'll work something out!

Me: Sounds good!

Me: Did you happen to find any cartridges that went with it?

Ex: Pokemon Special Pikachu is in it. If there were any other cartridges you had that are missing I'm more than happy to replace them. The kids used them...so there's no tellin where they may be at this point!

Me: Naw, that's fine.

( I only wanted my Pokemon cartridge because I was obsessed with it as a child and the most important of the few I had. I never contacted him. My weekend was so overwhelming with the introduction of my dog to my family while being reminded as to why I limit visits. I was so upset and anxious by being home that I thought it best to return to Terre Haute. I did not inform him. I didn't have to. I owed him nothing. I spent the week reflecting on how far I had come since he had broken up with me. I needed to remind myself of the person I had become.)

(December 23, 2017)

Me: I will be in Eville this evening. Is there a time that works for you?

Ex: Shouldn't matter too much. I have a house over by UE off walnut. Where will you be?

(Why mention the location of your house? Attempted bragging? Did he expect me to stop by, alone? Pffft....please.)

Me: I will be at AOC. I may also be somewhere before or after that depending on my sister and her choice place of meeting for Christmas exchange.

Ex: Ok just let me know when you're in town and we'll figure it out.

(His grammar and punctuation became sloppy compared to when he first messaged me. I did not respond, but 3 hours later he felt a need attempt to gain control.)

Ex: I'll just plan on meeting you over at AOC if that's ok

Me: Sure, before or after? The parking lot is jank because it is under construction so parking is on the side streets.

Ex: Probably before. What time will you be there?

Me: Hahaha no clue because I am currently making Christmas treats and it is not going well.

(The treat making not going well was true. However, I did know what time I would arrive, 6:30 when it started at 7:00. I needed time to compose and center myself.)

Ex: Lol it's all good. Whatever works for you is cool with me.

Me: I will try to be there 15 min early, but it is in the big building not the small.

Ex: Ok when does it start? 7?

Me: Yes

Ex: Cool

(3 hours later)

Me: I'm here. The entrance that faces Lincoln is open with the flag pole

Ex: What are you driving?

(Why did that matter? I kept my description minimal. The lack of lighting and parking on the side streets would make it difficult for him to locate my car.)

Me: My Pontiac, but I'm inside.

(I wanted it to be clear that I was not stepping outside. If he wanted to meet he had to put forth effort. I had contacted other members and informed them of his history and that we were meeting. They were there for safety. He arrived 10 minutes before the meeting. He brought his son and wife. Members acknowledged his arrival, greeting him with hugs though he hadn't been to a meeting there since we dated. I know because I was terrified I would see him there after we broke up. He avoided eye contact. In fact, he handed me my gameboy while having a conversation with someone else, not even looking in my direction. I thanked him. His family left. I expected more, but was happy it was over. I thought maybe he had changed was going to make an amends considering it is a 12 Step program. Nope. During the meeting, he further messages me and it took a completely different direction of weird while confirming his narcissistic personality.)

Ex: Hey listen...I wanted to stay and talk with you a bit, but you seemed upset. I didn't want to ruin your night or anything. Since I had the family with me I didn't think it would be best to stick around...especially if you feel any animosity toward me. I just wanted to give you your gameboy. Thought it might make you happy to have it back after all these years. If you're upset with me about something please let me know so I can do my best to fix it. Praying for you...and I sincerely hope you have a wonderful Christmas, Caitlin.

(He assumed I was upset, creating a situation that doesn't exist so he might wiggle his way into my life and feel better about himself. My happiness is not nor was it ever dependent on the return of my Gameboy. Therefore, there is nothing to fix. I mended myself.)

(Minutes later)

Ex: Can I call you or you call me when you leave there? I don't want there to be any unresolved issues anymore. I can feel there are. *gives me his number*

(That's a fuck no. I will not provide a means of further harassment.)

(2 hours later)

Ex: It's been 5 years. That's a long time to hold onto something. I can't make it better if you don't let me. I'm here when you're ready to talk.

(He thought about it for hours. What makes him think he has the power to "make it better"? It is clear that it is bothering him more than it has me. I was given 5 years of being single to rebuild my life and become the woman that I am. I am aware of his manipulative, sneaky, and narcissistic games. I have the advantage. I worked through the emotions surrounding our relationship. He jumped into another relationship before ours was over, distracting himself from whatever core issue is now currently eating at him.)

(December 24, 2017)

I received a message from my ex's wife via my artist page and personal page.

Wife: Good morning Caitlin. I hope this message finds you well. I read your blog and am saddened by the picture you've painted of (insert Ex's name here). He is a excellent father and husband, nothing like what you have depicted. (Insert ex's name here) has never spoken badly of you and only said that he ended the relationship between you and him because he didn't see a future with you and didn't want to lead you on. This was before I met him and I understand people make mistakes. But he is not the monster you make him sound like. The time you had with him was a fraction of the years we have been together. I have been in a relationship with him since August 2013 and while he has flaws like everyone, he has grown into a wonderful, god-fearing, hardworking man. You do not know who he is. While you were in his life for a season, you cannot possible know who he is now. I'm not saying that he didn't do anything to hurt you. What I am saying is he is not the same person he was when he first started recovery. We recently moved into our first home and while we were moving one of the kids found your gameboy. The only intentions Abe had were to do a kind deed in the spirit of Christmas. In no way was he trying to be malicious or cause you pain. (Insert ex's name here) is a changed man from what you knew. I urge you as a sister in Christ to forgive as Christ forgave us. He has moved on and is happy and that's all he wishes for you. I pray you find happiness and wish you all the best. Merry Christmas.

(While viewing this message I accidentally highlighted the conversation, emojis popped up while I attempted to scroll and hit the thumbs down. I did not know how to take back, but I assume it did not go over well for I received another message.)

Wife: Obviously you aren't at a point in your life where we can handle things like mature adults. I'm sorry to have wasted your time and mine. Either way, I hope you have a good Christmas.

Me: Due to the holiday I had the intention of waiting to respond, but because I am not technologically savvy, I accidentally hit a thumbs down and it was misinterpreted. I have and had every intention of responding, but due to the holidays I request that out of respect and consideration for all involved, we each take time to spend time with our families. Merry Christmas!

(First of all, why am I of any concern to his wife? Second, why is my blog of any interest? Third, for one to assume I have not healed or endured such a painful process is quite judgemental. Determining my happiness based on your life aspirations and experiences judgemental and close-minded. Healing, happiness, and truth are dependent upon the perspective of the individual to whom it matters most, myself. Lastly, my words are not untrue because they come from a different perspective. All that I have written is based on my personal perspective and experience in the time I spent with him. I would like to think he is a changed man and I hope to God he is, but the abuse happened. He did not lay a hand on me, but physical touch is not required to meet the criteria for abuse. I continue to see him as the person he once was for I never saw who he became. Why would I? Our relationship ended and there was no reason to reconvene and share stories. Abuse is a form of trauma and it took its toll on my mentality and I admit I am still affected by those past experiences. For example, I was driven by fear, paranoia, and convinced everything had an ulterior motive and that returned in my writing of this post. It doesn't mean it is wrong. I was shown what was not to be tolerated in a relationship and for that I am thankful for I have refused to settle for less than what I deserve. I did not deserve him. I deserved much better.

I spoke to my sponsor, as one does when such an issue might arise in recovery, and saw my part. I should clarify this posting is not a form of retaliation or intended to do harm, but is a personal perspective of true events. I know what I want and how I would like this to be "fixed" assuming that it can be or needs to. However, my request to my ex is recovery based without the influence of others and should be left at that. That request cannot be guaranteed and for me to take action in an attempt to force things to be "fixed" is handing my problems to God only to snatch them back again. I pray for God's will and his timing, that should the opportunity arise I be given the words to speak that others may hear to reach resolution.